


Moonwatcher; Soonhoon

by kwanies



Series: It's a quiet and starry place [1]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Astrology, Astronomy, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Soonhoon - Freeform, Space AU, guys. Guys. this might be one of my favorite things i've written, soonyoung loves 2 things: space and jihoon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-10
Updated: 2018-11-22
Packaged: 2019-08-21 17:16:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16580708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kwanies/pseuds/kwanies
Summary: Soonyoung's got a lot of interests, mostly centering on space itself; over the years, Jihoon's managed to make a mental list of them all.Soonyoung likes moon-watching, long talks, climbing through Jihoon's bedroom window in the middle of the night, and overanalyzing natal charts. He likes doing his homework on his roof and helping Jihoon study for science, because he's good at it. He likes Aries moons and space documentaries.Soonyoung - and this is one of the few things that Jihoon has yet to catch on to - also has a thing for pretty boys with stars in their eyes and their sun in Sagittarius, and he would give any such boy the universe, if he could.Every planet and galaxy, just for him, Soonyoung thinks.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> not much to say here lmao - yet another soonhoon fic because i really don't get tired of writing these two. i also love astrology ! and an astrology au sounded so cute ! i just had to !
> 
> i think this time, though, i'd like to write from soonyoung's pov ? that's not something i've done before, and i think it'd be fun
> 
> of course, feedback is very much appreciated !! <3
> 
> p.s. this one won't have as many chapters as my other works, since the chapters themselves are quite a bit longer than what i usually do and a lot more happens in each one. sorry !

✵

 

 **SOONYOUNG WATCHES AS** Jihoontakes one earbud out, waiting a moment or two as if questioning his own conscious, before he decides to knock again. He keeps it soft, his smile widening instinctively when Jihoon shifts on his bed to face him through the window. He can barely see past the force of his own grin when Jihoon smiles back, sliding off the mattress to walk over and push up the glass.

"Hey," he breathes, watching his own breath cloud in front of his face.

"Get inside, it's freezing out here," Jihoon says, tugging on Soonyoung's sleeve by way of pulling him further in. Soonyoung clambers over with just as much elegance as always - that is to say, none. He even manages to bang his head on the way in.

Jihoon's bedroom is warm and comfortable, lit by a single desk lamp and the same glow-in-the-dark star stickers he's had on his ceiling since they were both six, the ones that barely tinge green anymore, they're so old. Soonyoung likes to toss himself onto Jihoon's mattress and look up at them; he likes it most when Jihoon lays down next to him and does the same.

"What's up?" he asks. "Everything alright?"

Soonyoung nods, "Yeah, everything's fine. Just wanted to see you."

"You see me literally every day."

"Not enough," he says, grinning when Jihoon rolls his eyes. "I wanna see you every minute."

"I think I'd lose my mind if I had to see your face every minute of every day, Soonyoung."

"You've been saying that sort of thing for the last seven years. You never mean it." He can hear Jihoon exhale softly beside him, can feel the heat emanating off him. His heart pulls a little.

"Yeah. You're right."

The thing is, Soonyoung means it when he says it - "Just wanted to see you." He always  _just wants to see_ Jihoon, it's always made him feel lighter. He has a way of making the world feel kinder to Soonyoung when it isn't exactly so. It's easy, being around him.

So, you can imagine Soonyoung finds himself climbing through Jihoon's window a lot - nearly every single night, to be exact.

"You'd think we'd run out of things to talk about," Jihoon says, and Soonyoung doesn't look, but he can hear him smiling.

"Hi, not sure if you've met me, I'm Soonyoung, and my mouth never stops running," he jokes. He rolls onto his side and presses his forehead against Jihoon's shoulder, and his words come out muffled. "Besides, even when it does, sometimes it's nice to just be quiet."

"I didn't know that's something you're capable of doing, being quiet."

"Hey," he whines, pressing harder. Jihoon smells like mint and cinnamon, and Soonyoung thinks it's his favorite thing. "I don't mind when I'm with you."

"You're gross."

Soonyoung laughs, "No, it's just that - "

"I know, I know. I'm your best friend and you love me."

And just like that, he doesn't feel like laughing anymore. He fakes one more anyway, just to be on the safe side, hopes it sounds as real as every other laugh he's ever faked. He shuts his eyes and focuses on his breathing; he imagines that this is what it must feel like to be a butterfly trapped in a net, and if he's not careful, his breath might catch.

"You think I can crash here tonight?" he asks.

"Sure."

"You don't mind?"

Jihoon scoffs, "Is that really a question I need to answer?" and Soonyoung can't do much more than mumbling something incoherent and grabbing onto the boy's sleeve by way of response, which only leads to more grumbling on Jihoon's end. "You're like a fucking koala, I swear you have attachment issues."

"As if you hate it."

He scoffs again, but he doesn't argue, and the net gets smaller. 

So. Jihoon is Soonyoung's best friend, and Soonyoung loves him. Maybe a little too much.

 

**—**

 

" ... Check your ego at the door and dive into learning something new about your capabilities," Soonyoung finishes. "Any idea what that might be about?" Wonwoo sighs, squeezing his eyes shut. Soonyoung watches the ink from his pen bleed further onto the page.

"If you read me any more of my horoscope, I'll discover the ability to cut your tongue out so I never have to hear you speak again. How about that?"

Soonyoung's grin only wavers for a second, and he says, "No need, that was the end of yours," before clicking to open a different tab. "Okay, Josh, this here says that you need to embrace your selflessness, rather than getting to be too self-oriented. Lend a hand to someone less fortunate?"

"I will watch Wonwoo mangle your vocal cords, how's that for selfless?"

"Wow, guys. I'm really feeling the love today. Is Mercury in retrograde, or am I just the luckiest friend on the planet?"

"Save it for Jihoon, Soonyoung."

He frowns. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means he's the only one who's willing to listen to you talk about astronomy, so you might as well save your breath for someone who cares."

"Alright, first of all, it's astrology. Astronomy is completely different. Secondly - I'll have you guys know, I'm offering valuable information in regards to your placements, and I'm quite honestly shocked at the lack of appreciation - "

Wonwoo and Joshua both groan, Wonwoo dropping his pen and Joshua dropping his head against their respective desks. Soonyoung can't be offended, not really. He knows he's being obnoxious, and he knows they don't mean it. Probably. Hopefully. He grins.

"You guys should send me your natal charts, sometimes."

"Going back to what I just said - save it for Jihoon."

"But I already looked at his chart! I've gone through everything, I even read him his horoscope this morning. Did you know that today's a good day for his communication skills? Which is great, because he's got this presentation in psychology, and he's been really nervous about it - "

"Do you actually believe in all this stuff?"

Soonyoung pauses, thinks, shrugs.

"I dunno. I just think it's fun to read about."

"Does Jihoon?"

"Probably not. But he always listens to me, and I think that thing about his communication boosted his confidence a bit, so." Wonwoo watches him oddly, eyes narrowed and accusing, although Soonyoung's not sure of what.

"You two are weird," he says, and Soonyoung tries not to let his thoughts get away from.

"Are we? I mean, he's my best friend. We're pretty comfortable in most regards - I don't think reading his horoscope is the strangest thing I've done for him."

Wonwoo stares a moment longer, and Joshua's gone quiet on the other side of him. For a moment, it's just silent between the three of them, and then Wonwoo says, "Alright, if you say so," and picks up his pen again.

"I do," Soonyoung says matter-of-factly. He turns back to his laptop to exit out of the different tabs, until all that's left is a summative analysis on ethics and a very particular compatibility chart.

He thinks maybe he should hide that last one.

 

**—**

 

They're a wild card, for the record, and Soonyoung will always remind himself of it. Maybe he's not a Leo, like Seungcheol, but it could be worse. He could be a Capricorn. Capricorn and Sagittarius don't mix so great. But Gemini and Sagittarius - well, there's potential. It won't ever happen, but if it did, they wouldn't be half bad together. It's a torturing sort of comfort.

"Tell me less about why you don't like Virgos, more about that essay you're working on. Hubble, right?"

"Mm-hmm. A revolutionary cosmologist," he quotes back to himself, thinking of his paper. "He created a systematical classification for all galaxies. It's pretty interesting, actually," he adds when Jihoon yawns exaggeratedly.

"Maybe it's interesting when you talk about it," he says, "but I could never be able to get into all that on my own. It's too overwhelming."

"You think it's interesting when I talk about it?"

"Sure."

"What makes me different to anyone else?"

"It's just, you. I don't know. You get so excited, it's kinda hard for me to be apathetic. Take any one of those other kids from your astronomy course and I'd be asleep midway through a conversation with them. You, though ... I think I just like hearing you talk about it."

Soonyoung waits for it to hit, that typical, 'Don't go thinking you're all that special' twist Jihoon puts on things to make himself look more detached than Soonyoung knows he really is - but it never comes. Jihoon leaves his sentiment at that, and nothing more. Soonyoung is terribly fond.

"You've opened Pandora's box, now," he tries to joke. "I'm never going to shut up."

"You already never do."

"You love it."

"Hm. Maybe I do." Jihoon pauses, fingers hovering over his keyboard. "But that stays between you and me."

Soonyoung knows he's staring, but he can't help it. Jihoon isn't the most expressive; he doesn't like talking about his feelings, even the ones that don't mean so much - although, if you asked Soonyoung, he'd say they all matter a whole lot - and even when they're joking, it's hard for him to say things like this. After so many years of being so close, Soonyoung would be proud to tell anyone he's the closest friend Jihoon has, but even he has to pry before getting the boy to open up a bit.

When he does, though, it's hard for Soonyoung to tear his gaze away.

Jihoon is adorable when he's flustered. With his sparkling eyes and a laugh like wind chimes, fingers playing with the hem of his sweater - Soonyoung has a really hard time keeping it together when he gets like this, because in these moments, kissing Jihoon just seems so  _easy_. Like, Soonyoung's lips are cold, and have been cold for way too long, but Jihoon's cheeks look rosy warm and maybe - would he melt if he went for it? Fizzle out into steam? 

Ruin a perfectly good friendship, is what he'd do. And that's exactly why he shouldn't.

 

**—**

 

Life with Jihoon is lovely, Soonyoung thinks, like falling stars are lovely and the nebulas that haunt him. Like black velvet skies and the way Jihoon's voice sounds so, so sweet when he asks Soonyoung to tell him about the planets. Lovely like chance, like the chance that, of all the things in this wild, wild space that could have occurred, it was this universe, this galaxy, this earth; Soonyoung, with Jihoon right beside him.

And it's terribly dramatic, he knows, to compare Jihoon to space and all that it encompasses; to be so infatuated and to come up with such flowery feelings, spelled in ink and bound to that wonderful little journal Jihoon doesn't think he uses. It's terribly dramatic and probably, certainly, not very healthy. It can't be good for him, to be  _so far gone_  for his best friend the way he is, and he knows it isn't. He's felt it in the pit of his stomach, reverberating against the walls of his ribcage. It's not good, and it doesn't feel good. It hurts.

Oh, but he wishes it didn't. He wishes it wouldn't sting so bad every time he's reminded of the fact that Jihoon is his best friend, nothing more, and he wishes the moon was a bit nicer to him in that it didn't shine a light so pretty on Jihoon's face, it makes it hard for Soonyoung to look anywhere else. He wishes he could go back to when they were both nine, and the urge to hold Jihoon's hand and tell him pretty things wasn't a disastrous one.

"You're uncharacteristically silent," Jihoon says. They're laying on Soonyoung's roof, and Soonyoung refuses to look at him. "What are you thinking about?" He hums.

"The same stuff I always think about." Jihoon shifts. Now, Soonyoung looks.

He's laying on his stomach while Soonyoung lays on his back, chin held in one hand, curiosity held in both eyes. He's not smiling, but his voice carries the gesture, and it strangely tickles the back of Soonyoung's throat.

"What would that be?"

"What do you think?"

"Hm. Probably something predictable, like general relativity or Carl Sagan. Or maybe something unpredictable, like your favorite flavor of ice cream."

"Strawberry, for the record. And none of the above."

"Then what?"

Soonyoung stares at him, looks right into his glassy bright eyes, and Jihoon stares back. A faint ray of connection, invisible to anyone but them, and Soonyoung holds it like it's a lifeline.

"Was thinking of you, actually," he says honestly. Jihoon looks away, and the connection is gone.

"What about me?" he mumbles. His ears are tinged red. Soonyoung cringes before he speaks, already knowing that whatever he says, it's not going to be good.

"Just that, like, I'm really lucky to have a friend like you. I mean, who else would listen to my rambling every night? I'm glad you put up with me."

"You don't give me enough credit, I swear. I'll have you know I don't just  _tolerate_  your extraterrestrial life conspiracies - I think they're actually interesting."

Soonyoung smiles, "You're the only one who does," and Jihoon bumps his shoulder gently.

"Yeah, well. You do the same for me. That's why we're good for each other."

"You think so?"

"Yeah. Like that thing you used to say - "

"Don't say it," Soonyoung groans, dragging a hand over his face.

" - the universe doesn't care about us," Jihoon continues, grinning, "so we might as well."

"I said that when I was like, eight."

"I know, and I love it."

"It's dumb."

"I don't think so. I think it's sort of nice."

Soonyoung's chest constricts, tightening around the knotted mess of his heart, and only one thing can occur to him in that instant.

The universe doesn't care, but he does, and it's a terrible, terrible thing.

 


	2. Chapter 2

✵

 

 **SOONYOUNG MET JIHOON** when they were both six, having been put in the same class and sat right next to each other. Jihoon was almost comically similar to how he is now: quiet, reserved, and completely put off by Soonyoung's forwardness. Soonyoung, on the other hand, has  _always_  been outgoing - and even Jihoon wasn't resistant to it.

So they grew close, and closer still as the years passed, to the point that their names now seem to compliment each other on the minds and tongues of others.  _Soonyoung and Jihoon_  - one doesn't quite sound right without the other, and it doesn't look like that'll be changing anytime soon.

A bittersweet thought, then.

"We've got a whole story," he tells Jihoon. They're in the school library, Jihoon trailing blindly behind him while he scans the wall of astronomy books. "You know that?"

"Sure I do," he mumbles, not looking up from his phone. "Now you'll tell me how we're something comparable to the Big Bang."

"You say that like you're joking."

Jihoon looks up, smiling. "I'm not. Both concepts are too factually significant for me to joke about."

"Hm. You do know that the Big Bang isn't entirely proven, right? Like, it's a commonly accepted theory, but I'm just saying. It might have not even happened."

"Do you believe that?"

"I believe a lot of things," he says, and he pauses for a moment before continuing, "but no, I wouldn't go so far as to doubt the Big Bang theory."

His fingers trace over a spine that catches his eye, and he pulls it off the shelf so he can scan the synopsis. He can feel Jihoon hovering over his shoulder to do the same.

" _Turn Left at Orion_ ," the other boy reads. "Hundreds of night sky objects to see through a home telescope."

"I'm gonna read this book, and then force you to sit out with me at night looking for constellations," Soonyoung says. Jihoon snorts.

"Fuck no. Do you realize how cold it's getting? You're going to get sick, Soonyoung. Just do it from inside."

"How?"

"Look through your window."

"It's not the same," he insists.

"It's not the same, but I think your health matters a little more than an authentic stargazing experience. Also, if you do get sick, I already know I'm gonna be the one missing class to keep you company. My honor roll can't afford that."

Soonyoung hums, smiling, "No one forces you to do it, Jihoonie, I think you just like having the excuse." He won't complain, though - he likes it, too.

He's not looking down at the book anymore, but Jihoon still stands close behind him, at one point letting his head drop against Soonyoung's back, resting there quietly. Soonyoung can feel himself supporting Jihoon's body weight, can feel Jihoon's breath against his shoulder blade, and he tries to ignore the fever spreading through him.

"Tired?" he asks, and he can feel a nodding against him. "Listen, I don't wanna discourage you or anything - because it's great that you work so hard in school, I get that - but maybe learn to take a break?"

"No breaks," Jihoon says. "I've got stuff to do."

"You're overworking yourself."

"It's not like I'm not sleeping at night."

"I worry, anyway."

"I know you do."

And they stay there, just like that, for a few moments longer, before Soonyoung turns slowly so that he can wrap his arms around Jihoon and let the boy's head rest against his chest, instead. Jihoon is adorably small, Soonyoung is terribly endeared, and it's comfortable, just the two of them alone in this part of the library. He doesn't stop himself from pressing a chaste kiss to the top of Jihoon's head.

"Did you say we're as significant as the Big Bang?" he asks, absentmindedly running his palm along the length of Jihoon's spine. The latter nods.

"I did," he mumbles.

"I like that."

 

**—**

 

"For the record," he says, and this comes much, much later in the evening, when they're both laying on his bed again and staring up at those old sticky stars. "For the record. I don't think we came about the way the universe did. The Big Bang or whatever."

"No?"

"No. Still important, but ... gentler. Not so many exploding suns and fiery asteroids. More like, like soft? Sort of easy and slow, and nice. Less violent."

"That's good."

"Yeah," Jihoon whispers. "It is."

It's good, it is. He won't mess it up. Soonyoung won't reach out and grab Jihoon's hand and hold it to his chest, even if he really wants to. He won't kiss his forehead and tell him he likes him a lot more than he's meant to. That's not the sort of thing he can just do. Not if he wants to maintain that  _good_  they've got going.

And he does, oh, he really does.

 

**—**

 

They're in math, flipping through worksheets. The class had let out a collective groan when the teacher started handing them out - worksheets aren't the  _most_  fun things in the world - but Soonyoung doesn't entirely mind, in all honesty. It just means free time to talk to Jihoon without the teacher threatening to make him leave the room; something about being disruptive, which Soonyoung thinks is ridiculous.

More often than not, he manages to get through a total of three questions on his own, and it's gotten to the point where he doesn't even have to ask for Jihoon to slide his paper over for copying. It's not that he can't do them, it's just - well, he doesn't want to, frankly.

But now they're both finished, because Jihoon whips through these things so quickly - he's  _so_  smart, and Soonyoung will take any chance to say it - and they've got a good thirty minutes left before class lets out. There's a pause in Soonyoung's rambling, and Jihoon takes the opportunity to speak up.

"Hey," he says, and it's cautious; a small pebble hitting water, rippling outward with the weight of what he wants to ask, and Soonyoung waits for him to continue.  "You know about, like ... compatibility and all that, right? With the signs?"

Which, alright, yes. The answer to that question is yes. Soonyoung, as a matter of fact, knows  _a lot_  about sign compatibility - some signs more than others, sure - but he's not sure what Jihoon's getting at -

"So, I mean, what do you think of Vernon and Seungkwan?"

Oh. Okay, then.

"Uh, Vernon and - ? Right, um, I mean. Yeah."

"Yeah?"

Soonyoung resists the urge to hit himself with his textbook, grinning nervously to hide the fact that his heart just managed to leap from his chest to his throat, and then back down to his chest in a matter of a few seconds, and it's left him a little breathless.

"Yeah. Well, okay, so. Vernon's an Aquarius, and Seungkwan's a Capricorn - "

"Love how you just  _know_  that - "

Soonyoung scoffs, "Of course I know that. Anyway, Aqua and Cap, that's an interesting combo. The way I see it, there's a lot of room for things to go wrong. Like, they're both sort of stubborn, and Aquarius tends to be a lot more free-spirited than Capricorn, who's way more rooted - I mean, it's an air sign and an earth sign, so what can you expect -  but yeah, that could lead to some difficulties."

Jihoon nods along, watching him steadily, and Soonyoung matches his gaze. He doesn't shy away from it, because as fluttery and out-of-this-world as Jihoon makes him feel, they've been friends for too long for him to shy away from things like eye-contact. Even if Jihoon has really pretty eyes, and they're sort of distracting.

Soonyoung ends up looking away when he continues.

"That being said - ! If they really work at it and try to see past their differences, they can for sure be a good match. It's just a matter of how motivated each person is to make it work. Besides," he adds, "we know Vernon and Seungkwan. Those two could have the least compatible signs known to astrology - it's still obvious that they're whipped for each other." Jihoon hums in agreement, cracking a smile.

"Yeah, you're right ... You really know a lot about this stuff, huh?"

"I guess. I mean, you know that. You were the first person I went to when I got into it."

"No, I mean, like, compatibility. That's interesting."

"Is it?"

"Yeah. You can sort of predict people's dynamics, that's cool."

Jihoon pauses then, and Soonyoung senses that there might be more he wants to say, but he doesn't. Which is fine, really. The entire subject's got Soonyoung wanting to squirm, anyway, so maybe it's best that they move on.

 

**—**

 

It's Mingyu who brings it up, one afternoon during their shared history class; he catches Soonyoung completely off guard, makes him choke on his own breath.

"Are you and Jihoon dating?" he asks, just flat-out, and Soonyoung has to keep him waiting for a second or two, trying to turn off the internal panic alarms and compose himself before answering.

"Uh, no? What makes you think that?"

"I dunno. You two are like, weirdly close."

"We've been best friends since we were kids. I don't think it's that weird."

"Yeah," he says, drawing out the word like he's uncertain. "But it's different. Like, I don't know. Your relationship is different. You sure you don't have a thing for him, at least?"

Soonyoung finds that it's incredibly difficult to lie convincingly when he's flustered, and it's all he can do to hope that Mingyu will let him off the hook and at least pretend to believe him.

"N-No, I don't. We're just friends, I like being his friend. Not sure what gives you the idea that I ... yeah. Kind of random."

"Ehh, not really," Mingyu says, looking away from his laptop to glance at Soonyoung narrowly. His eyebrows are raised, lips tight, a picture of pure skepticism. "You look at him funny, and you never shut up about him. Like, yeah, we're friends with Jihoon too, but ... you're all the way, Soonyoung."

 _You're all the way, Soonyoung_.

He's not entirely sure what to make of that. He feels thrown, like someone's just knocked him out with confrontation and he's got cartoon stars swirling around his head, dizzy. Mingyu says he looks at Jihoon funny, that he never shuts up about him. He's noticed these things, and the others probably have, too.

He just hopes Jihoon hasn't.

"We're just best friends," he repeats quietly. "That's all."

 

**—**

 

Soonyoung thinks Jihoon is the strongest, brightest star in this end of the universe. He thinks that for every intellectual, every do-gooder out there, Jihoon's twice as smart with an even bigger heart; even his faults don't seem so bad. Soonyoung thinks that if there's anyone out there who deserves the best the world has to offer, it's Jihoon.

So on those bad days - because Jihoon does have bad days - Soonyoung will give him his shoulder and the nicest words he can muster. He'll give him comfort and calm. He can't give him the world and all its best, but he'll give what he's got. Like whenever he needs it, like right now.

"I just don't feel good. Everything is piling up, and it's too much," the boy sniffles. He's curled up oddly against Soonyoung's side, head pressed against Soonyoung's chest while the latter pulls him closer and whispers into his hair.

"That's okay. It's like that, sometimes."

"I hate it. I hate that I can't handle things and I hate - I hate taking it out on you." Soonyoung can feel him shaking a little bit, and his whole heart hurts. Here he's got Jihoon, his strong, bright star, and it's not right. It's not what he deserves.

"Don't," Soonyoung breathes. "Don't say that. It's okay, you know? It's perfectly normal. No one expects you to take everything in stride, and you shouldn't, either. Forcing yourself to withstand every bad thing and then bottling it all up is literally the worst thing you can do, and I ... I just want the best for you." His voice drops when he says that last bit, but it feels loud - loud like the blood rushing in his ears; loud like his heart, beating in time with every syllable, and he wonders if Jihoon can feel it, hear it, through his sweater. Jihoon sniffs again.

"Thanks, Soon. You're too good to me."

"You've got a lot on your shoulders, Jihoon. It's okay to wobble every now and then."

"I don't deserve you," he says, and Soonyoung shakes his head.

"No," he disagrees. "If anything, I think it's the other way around."

Jihoon doesn't say anything to that, but Soonyoung knows he'd roll his eyes if he had the energy to. They both fall quiet, letting the silence settle around them. The window is still open from when Soonyoung hastily climbed through, and it's chilly, so he reaches for one of the blankets on Jihoon's bed and pulls it over them.

"Soonyoung?" Jihoon asks, and Soonyoung's heart lurches at the way his name sounds in his voice. Not quite breaking the stillness surrounding them, it's so soft, but like a gentle pressure against it. 

"Yeah?"

"I wish you would come to me like this, when you're upset. You're always here for me and I - I can never do anything for you."

"I don't get upset all that often," Soonyoung lies. "Not enough to bother with dragging you into it, at least."

The truth is, Soonyoung just doesn't want Jihoon to see him when he's all red and weepy. He's a hypocrite like that, telling Jihoon that it's okay to break sometimes and ask for help when he can't even do it himself, but it's different for him. He wants to be the best he can be in Jihoon's eyes, all picture perfect, something worth holding on to, whereas Jihoon doesn't have to worry about that sort of thing; whether he knows it or not, he's already surpassed that standard. Soonyoung wouldn't let go of him if his own life depended on it.

"You're lying to me," Jihoon says, and Soonyoung doesn't even try to refute it. "If you're gonna put up with me like this, then I - then I have to do the same. I  _want_  to do the same."

"Yeah, because taking care of me when I'm emotional is every person's dream, isn't it?"

"Shut up, I mean it. You're my best friend, you know ... I want to be there for you."

Soonyoung glances down at Jihoon, still wrapped up in his arms with the blanket pulled up to his chin. He's not crying anymore, but his eyes are still sort of red, and his breathing's a little shallow. He's got that look, though, the one that means he's determined to get his way. Soonyoung's learned it, by now.

"You know what I do," Soonyoung murmurs - his lips are still pressed to the top of Jihoon's head - "When I'm not feeling really great?"

"Hm?"

"The moon. I talk to her." Jihoon snorts, and Soonyoung isn't even embarrassed. 

"Of course you do. Why am I not surprised? The moon doesn't talk, Soonyoung."

"No, but she listens."

"Good God, I can't believe you feel more comfortable talking to a - a fucking  _space rock_  than your own best friend."

"That's not it," Soonyoung argues gently, moving so that it's his cheek resting against Jihoon's head, now. "I mean, yeah, it kind of is. But it's nice, you know? She's there every night, she'll keep all my secrets."

" _I'm_  here every night,  _I'll_ keep all your secrets," Jihoon huffs.

"You said it yourself, though. She doesn't talk. She won't judge me."

"I won't judge you either!" he says, pulling away from Soonyoung's hold so that he can face him from the opposite end of the bed, scowling. There's a cold space where he was, now, and Soonyoung's sort of sad, but he also can't help the smile tugging at his lips.

"Are you jealous of the moon, Jihoonie?"

"Fuck off, maybe I am. And what about it? I can be the moon, too," he says, and Soonyoung tries to suppress his giggles. "I can be just as good as her."

He cracks, his laughter spilling up and out from the back of his throat as he reaches across the bed to grab Jihoon's arms and pull him closer again; Jihoon allows it, glaring as he falls back against Soonyoung's lap.

"You don't have to be," he smiles, "you're already so much more. You're not  _the_  moon, you're  _every_  moon - every comet and planet, all the constellations, all wrapped up into one. You're a whole galaxy, Jihoon." Even in the dark, Soonyoung can make out the blooming pink against Jihoon's cheeks. He's still glaring, but it's wavering.

"Why don't you come to me for comfort, then? What's wrong with talking to me?"

"Nothing," he says, honest. "But you don't need all that. It's just - noise, that's all. Extra and distracting."

"Everything about you is extra and distracting, Soonyoung. Doesn't stop me from wanting to be around you."

They both get quiet again, Soonyoung's smile dissipating and the remnants of his laughter fading against the grainy backdrop of Jihoon's bedroom. 

"Are you sure?" he asks, because he's not.

Jihoon nods. His head is fully resting in Soonyoung's lap, his eyes turned up towards Soonyoung's, and he reaches out to brush his fingers against Soonyoung's cheek. Now  _Soonyoung_  is the one blushing, furiously crimson all over, and he's sure Jihoon can see it.

When Jihoon speaks, all traces of aggression are gone from his tone.

"I'm sure. I know the moon is probably wonderful, and I know you love her, but I ... I want that, too. I want to give you just as much as you give me."

 _You already do_ , Soonyoung wants to say; the words are on the tip of his tongue, so ready and so honest, but he doesn't say them. Instead, he settles for, "Okay. If it's what you want."

Soonyoung waits for it, then, the usual, 'this is why you're my best friend' comment that Jihoon likes to offer him, or something along those lines - but it never comes. They leave it at that, and his mind drifts back to something the boy had said.

_I know the moon is probably wonderful, and I know you love her, but I ... I want that, too._

It's funny, Soonyoung thinks, because he's already got it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> asdfgjljhk ok maybe this chapter isn't my FAVORITE thing in the world but i've,, looked it over about a million times and i can't figure out how to make it sound less. bad. oops
> 
> but i promise the next one will be better!!
> 
> just a quick reminder - this fic is going to be quite short ! i've just wrapped up chapter 5 and i think i'm going to finish the entire story off at 6, which is so ??? soon ?? ahh everything has gone so quickly and i'm Sad because i've really loved writing this, but it has to end somewhere i guess :((
> 
> besides that, i just wanted to say a quick thank you for all the comments & kudos ! comments especially - every single one is so kind and encouraging, it genuinely makes my day to read them all <3<3

✵

 

 **SOONYOUNG LIKES LISTENING**  to Jihoon talk. His voice is nice, calm, kind of like cinnamon and soft pillows, and it's especially wonderful when he lets go of his usual sobriety and allows himself to open up a little more; Jihoon is funny and smart and interesting, and Soonyoung could listen to him ramble for hours. Unfortunately, he doesn't get talkative all too often, so it's usually Soonyoung who has to coax him out into the conversation.

Like now - they're talking about seeing a movie sometime this weekend, and Soonyoung keeps making a point to ask Jihoon for his opinion. Horror or comedy? Or would he like a romance? Something new, or one of the oldies but goodies their nearby theatre likes to throw on? 

(Soonyoung already knows all the answers - Jihoon likes action films, and would probably fall asleep in his seat if you tried to get him to watch anything made before the 1980s. Neither one of them says it, though.)

"Why does it matter what I like?" he asks, at one point. "I'm fine with whatever you guys want, really."

"Well, your opinion means just as much as anyone else's here," Soonyoung insists, and he doesn't mention the fact that he's only doing this for the sake of hearing Jihoon talk. That's not the sort of thing he can just  _say_ , after all.

Jihoon rolls his eyes, but visibly blushes at the sentiment. Apathetic, unbothered Jihoon, who can't really get away with pretending to be apathetic and unbothered, blushes. He's too cute, and Soonyoung's chest feels like it might burst.

"Let's just figure it out later," Minghao says, uninterested. "I don't think this is something worth spending an entire lunch discussing."

So they leave it, moving onto a different topic. Jihoon goes back to being quiet and observant, eating his lunch, and Soonyoung's gaze doesn't stray far from where he sits. He knows he's being obvious, and he knows he was dumb for not expecting the interrogation he got from Mingyu the other day. He also happens to know, however, that Jihoon is entirely oblivious to any acts of fondness on his own part - and that's enough to keep him from worrying. His friends wouldn't expose him like that, anyway.

"Christ, give your eyes a break, Soon. You've been staring for the last ten minutes."

On second thought, they definitely would. His friends are all snakes.

Soonyoung shoots a glare in Jeonghan's direction, simmering under the heat that crawls over his skin, and he almost chokes when Jihoon looks up from his plate and asks, "Staring at what?"

"Er, nothing," he says, maybe a little too quickly. Jeonghan isn't willing to let it go.

"Yeah,  _nothing_."

"Did you guys know," Soonyoung starts, changing the subject, "that neutron stars can spin up to six-hundred times per second?"

"You're so smooth, Soonyoung."

He carries right on, pretending he can't hear, "It's crazy, right? So much out there, doing all sorts of things. Kind of overwhelming."

Jeonghan rolls his eyes, stabbing his food while Seungcheol - bless him - strikes up a different conversation, but Soonyoung doesn't quite catch the beginning of it. His eyes shift to find Jihoon already looking at him, mirthful, with a small sort of smile, and Soonyoung's heart rate picks up for the hundredth time that day. When he speaks, his voice is just quiet enough for only Soonyoung to hear.

"Well, I thought it was interesting."

And Soonyoung, with frustration and adoration clawing their way up his throat in competition, smiles wide; he presses a palm to Jihoon's knee, squeezes it gently, and tells himself to act like this is nothing.

 _Nothing, nothing_  - that's all it is. That's all he can afford.

 

**—**

 

"That girl from study hall asked me out today."

It's so unexpected, so  _bam_ , right here, right now, holy-fuck-where-did-this-come-from, that Soonyoung can't help freezing up for a moment, literally right as he's about to swallow his sip of tea. It half-slides, half-sticks to his throat, and he chokes, coughing violently. Jihoon doesn't so much as bat an eye.

"I mean, I said no. But yeah. That happened. Figured I should tell you."

Once he's managed to calm down, swallowing hard, Soonyoung asks, "Why wouldn't you tell me?"

"I mean, you were literally on the cusp of death just now, so."

"Okay, well - thanks for helping me, by the way. What if I was actually dying? You sat there and stared, Jihoon, sat and  _stared_." Jihoon cracks a smile, lifting his mug to his lips before focusing back on his notebook. Soonyoung isn't finished, though.

"Why'd you say no?"

He knows what girl Jihoon's talking about - the latter had brought it up a few weeks ago, how he thought she might like him. Initially, he'd mistaken it for plain friendliness, but Chan gave him the idea that she was flirting. "Then again," he'd said, "that's coming from Chan, so it could very well be complete bullshit."

But after some investigating of his own - ahem, waiting at the doors and peeking in to see her sitting right beside Jihoon, all smiles and twirling hair - Soonyoung deduced that she was, most probably, flirting. And why not? Everyone likes Jihoon, some  _definitely_  more than others (although none more than Soonyoung, he's sure), and it's something Soonyoung has come to accept.

Only, no one had ever really acted on it, except for that one time in sixth grade when Jihoon ended up being the only boy invited to some girl's birthday party. He went out of politeness, and Soonyoung cried alone at home. It wasn't his proudest moment.

 _Anyways_.

She asked him out, and he said no. That's a win, right?

Jihoon shrugs. "I told her sorry, but I'm not interested. It's the truth."

"But she's so pretty!" Soonyoung exclaims. It comes out loud, and he flinches, offering an apologetic glance at the table near them. Quieter, he continues, "And she's like, really smart. And cool. And everyone likes her." Jihoon watches him with raised brows.

"Anything else you'd like to add?"

There's a ball in his chest, all breathlessness and nerves, and it's building up into something too big for his rib cage to hold. He tries to contain it, smother it into nothing, but it's hard.

"I just - I don't get why you  _wouldn't_  want to go on a date with her."

Truth be told, this is an insecurity Soonyoung's been sitting on since Jihoon first told him about the situation. Jealousy isn't cute on anyone, he knows, but the thought that she might win Jihoon over was enough to send him spiraling a bit. It doesn't help that she's  _actually_  likable.

He knows he should be relieved at the way things turned out. He's mostly just confused.

"Do you even know her, Soonyoung?"

"Well, no, but I've heard - "

" - that she's this really incredible person, and I'd be crazy not to like her back? Is that it?"

Soonyoung's mouth twitches into a nervous, bashful grin, and he clasps his hands in his lap to keep them from fiddling with the strings of his hoodie. Jihoon simply sighs and leans one elbow against the table. With his chin resting in his palm, he looks calm, almost unaffected entirely, and it's not fair, Soonyoung thinks. He's never just calm and unaffected when he's with Jihoon. 

With some air of amusement, Jihoon says, "You're really dumb, you know that?"

"Yeah," Soonyoung breathes, "but I still don't get it," and Jihoon rolls his eyes like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"I'm just not into her, that's literally it. She's not my type."

Soonyoung perks up, suddenly. "What's your type, then?"

One question, that's all it takes - and the tables have turned. Soonyoung's got a cheeky grin creeping onto his face, silently teasing, and it's Jihoon's turn to be flustered.

"Well, I - I mean - I don't know," he stammers, "but she's not it."

"Come on, there's got to be  _at least_  one or two common characteristics you look for in a person."

"Maybe I just don't look for people, think about that?"

"Mm-hmm," Soonyoung hums, still smiling. "Come to think of it, I don't think you've ever really had a crush on anyone. Not that I know of, at least."

He's got this weird thing going on right now, where he's playing both the role of the Annoying Best friend as well as the Hopelessly-In-Love Idiot, and it's sort of confusing? He doesn't really know what he's doing? Some part of him wants to go with the last ten years' experience, feeling the urge to laugh and make Jihoon squirm.

Another part of him, though, is in full-on panic mode.  _Please, please don't look for anyone_ , it begs.  _It'll break my heart if you do._

"Does it matter?" Jihoon mutters. "Besides, if I have a - a  _type_ , then you're bound to know it better than me. You're good at all that astrology, fortune-telling shit."

It's a bald-faced lie, he knows, but he scoffs anyway and says, "I've never looked  _that_  deep into your chart. I'm not thinking about your love life, Jihoon." He pauses, then, adding, "And it's not fortune-telling."

"Do it, then. I wanna know."

"Do what?"

"Look at my chart, tell me my ideal match. If you wanna know my type  _so bad_ , that is."

"Uh, listen," Soonyoung says, his grin starting to waver a bit, "I was only kidding. Like, it's interesting, yeah, but if it's none of my business - "

"I mean, I'm curious too. I've heard so much shit about my moon and Lilith, or whatever the fuck it is - but what about compatibility? Like that thing you did with Vernon and Seungkwan."

Soonyoung chews his lip, considering it. He's not sure why the entire situation feels so stressful, so compromising - it's not like he's being asked to hand over his heart, anyway, and it's only Jihoon's chart. It feels awfully vulnerable, though. 

But this is Jihoon who's asking, and when has Soonyoung ever been able to say no to Jihoon?

 

**—**

 

"So, look here," Soonyoung says. He's got his laptop open to Jihoon's chart, which Soonyoung has saved, and he's pointing to one of the placements. "You're a Libra Venus."

"What does that mean?"

"Your Venus sign describes love - the people and things you care about, and how you express that affection. Being that your venus is in Libra, it means that - well, it means you're a massive romantic, basically. You might come off as detached and unemotional, but at heart, you really do care about things like commitment and love. Sound about right?" Soonyoung glances at Jihoon when he asks this, who's fidgeting uncomfortably, but he already knows the answer. He  _knows_  Jihoon.

"I mean, yeah. I guess so. But like, what about other people? I don't wanna know how I am, I wanna know who I like."

Soonyoung snorts, "I like how you're relying on  _me_  to tell you things you should already know about yourself." Jihoon gives him a weak punch on the shoulder, and he whines. "Hey, don't hit me, I'm getting there. Er, you pretty much go for the whole package."

"Meaning?"

"Hold  _up_  - I told you I'm getting there. The whole package as in, like, they've got everything. Good looks, intelligence, manners - you don't like arrogant people, but you're sort of a sucker for the humanitarians. Champions of justice and all that shit. You like the idealized versions of people."

He doesn't look, but Soonyoung can feel Jihoon shifting beside him, rolling his shoulders. They're sat on the couch - they came back to Soonyoung's after studying at the café, and no one was home - with blankets and pillows piled around them. It's sort of squished, but Soonyoung doesn't mind the way Jihoon's weight presses against his side. It sort of makes his heart jump.

"Yeah," he says, "but like, that's what anyone would go for, right? Not just me, or other people with this placement?"

"Mm, not necessarily. Not everyone cares about stuff like this."

"What do you care about, Soonyoung?"

 _You, I care about you_  - that's the first thing that comes to Soonyoung's mind, but he'd rather throw his heart into a meat grinder than say it. It would feel the same, anyway.

"Ah, it doesn't matter," he says, trying to avoid the question. "This is about you." Before Jihoon has the chance to prod - and he  _will_ , Soonyoung can see him opening his mouth - he rushes to continue.

"You hate feeling like you're being taken advantage of, because, like, that's not fair - and Libras are all about fairness, you know? I already mentioned that you're super idealistic about relationships, and that's kind of a fault. You'll try to avoid unpleasant situations, pretend nothing's wrong, which usually means you'll end up glossing over whatever issues might be present. Which, you know. That's not great."

Jihoon interjects, "But if I'm - if I'm aware of that, I can try to fix that, yeah? Like, force myself to acknowledge what's wrong, even if I don't want to."

"Yeah, yeah. For sure. And, I mean, at the end of the day, you're willing to make exceptions. So what if someone's not the 'perfect' person?" he says, using quotes around  _perfect_  - somewhat bitterly, he'll admit, because he's not that person. "You just want someone to keep you balanced."

Jihoon's quiet for some time, thinking, and Soonyoung situates himself so that he's leaning against one of the cushions and Jihoon's laying against his side. When the latter speaks, it's quiet.

"I can't tell if this is all purely based off of your obsession with astrology," he says, breathing out a laugh, "or if you just know me better than I know myself." Soonyoung tries to be light in his response, but it comes out kind of uncertain. Almost insecure.

"At this point, it all just sort of blends together."

Quiet, again, nothing but the sounds of their breaths mingling, and Jihoon moves to make himself more comfortable. He ends up using Soonyoung as a makeshift pillow, fingers tapping out some rhythm against his arm. Soonyoung's pulse falls in line with it.

"Who'd be a good match, do you think?" Jihoon asks. "Like, not who I want, but who I need."

"Are you asking me this out of curiosity, or for reference?" Soonyoung's not sure why he asks, he doesn't really want to know the answer.

But he doesn't get one - Jihoon's shrug offers no insight - and he thinks that might be worse.

"Okay, well. If we're talking about who would be  _good_  for you, then we're gonna have to go back to your sun sign, because that's really who you are as a person. Venus is too subjective for that sort of thing."

"Then tell me."

"You're a Sagittarius," he starts, "or like, Scorpio-Sagittarius cusp, but I'd say you fit more into Sagittarius trope. So, you're generally pretty easy-going, kind of curious and enthusiastic. Warm-hearted." Jihoon nods against him. "You've got a quick temper, but you don't hold grudges, which is good. Really independent, too.

"With that in mind, I'd say you need someone who knows when to give you your space, but who'll also keep you engaged, because you do tend to get bored easily. If they smother you, you'll get antsy, but if they give you complete freedom, it won't feel so much like a relationship, y'know?" He swallows. Some part of him feels like he's ruining his chances, setting Jihoon onto a different path - one that doesn't lead to 'Soonyoung'.

But then he reminds himself that he's being stupid; Jihoon was never set on that path to begin with, there was never a chance he'd up there. Soonyoung's not ruining his chances because he never  _had_  any chances. He might as well be honest.

"I guess ... I guess a really good blend of both what you want and what you need would be someone like a - a Libra sun. Those people tend to be more outgoing and charismatic, and the intellectual stimulation between Sagittarius and Libra is kind of, like, crazy good. The only potential issue I can think of would be commitment, but as long as you can work through it, I mean. Yeah."

"Sagittarius and Libra, huh."

"A pretty good pairing," Soonyoung says, trying not to frown. "One of the best in the zodiac, actually."

"Do we know anyone who's a Libra?"

"Jeonghan." Jihoon makes a face, scrunching up his features in distaste.

"Uh, nevermind."

"Other signs that work well with Sagittarius include Aries and Gemini," Soonyoung adds, because he can't help it.

He waits for Jihoon to say something, anything, but he doesn't. The silence that surrounds them is so strong it buzzes, and Soonyoung can feel it soaking into everything around them; the walls, the sofa, his chest. Jihoon's fingers go still against his arm.

"You know what," he says, and his voice is almost too low to be heard.

"What?"

"I don't think I care."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I'm not gonna live out the rest of my romantic life skirting around this sign or that. If I like someone, I like them. All I can do is hope they like me back." He pauses. "I think that's the biggest issue." Soonyoung scoffs, rolling his eyes and immediately feeling bad when Jihoon's face flashes with hurt. "What?" he asks.

"Nothing, just. That's not an issue, Jihoon." When the confusion settles deeper into his features, Soonyoung explains further. "I mean, like, people like you. A girl asked you out today, you know, and I'm willing to bet she's not the only one who's ever considered making a move like that." Jihoon opens his mouth to protest, but Soonyoung doesn't let him. "All I'm saying is, if you like someone, don't rule them out as a possibility. You might not think so, but you're kind of really great, Jihoon, and other people get that."

Soonyoung can feel the boy hesitate before he says, "Thanks, Soonyoung."

"'Course," he mumbles.

So maybe Jihoon's not his, nor will he ever be, but he really is a gem, and Soonyoung will be damned if he doesn't make that much clear. 


	4. Chapter 4

✵

 

 **IT KIND OF** comes out of nowhere, and Soonyoung's not expecting it in the slightest. It had been a week since he'd talked to Jihoon about his compatibility - he'd tried ignoring the conversation's existence entirely, and he'd hoped Jihoon might've moved on from it, too.

He guesses not, though.

"You never told me, Soonyoung."

"Told you what?"

"What do you care about?"

Soonyoung goes still, eyeing the boy in front of him. They were dismissed from class a little ahead of schedule and now they're waiting in the cafeteria, alone, for the rest of their friends to show up. Soonyoung takes his time chewing, if only to put off having to answer.

"Uh, I mean. I don't know, really," he says after swallowing.

"I swear to God, that's a lie."

" ... No it's not."

"Kwon Soonyoung, who never fucking shuts up, refuses to talk about his ideal partner. Call me offended, Soonyoung, I thought this was the sort of thing best friends tell each other." Which, yeah. It is, Soonyoung thinks, but not when your best friend also happens to be the same person you've been crushing on since the sixth grade. Jihoon sighs.

"Show me your chart."

"What?"

"I said, show me your chart. And don't even think about saying no, Soonyoung - especially after all the shit you've said about mine, I think you owe me this much."

Soonyoung stares at him for a bit, then exhales long and hard before fishing his phone out of his pocket. He pulls up the screenshot and passes the device over to Jihoon. He probably won't understand a thing, anyway.

This assumption is further proven when Jihoon's eyebrows knit and his mouth twists uncertainly. The look of concentration he's wearing is comical, and  _fuck_ , he's so cute. Soonyoung's almost angry. 

"Okay," Jihoon says, somewhat reluctantly, "well, I don't really know what any of this means - " a grin makes its way onto Soonyoung's face " - but I can see you have five Gemini placements here, one after the other, and honestly? What the fuck, Soonyoung. Why is there so much Gemini." He phrases it as more of a statement, an accusation, than a question, and that grin dissipates sooner than it came.

"What's wrong with Gemini?" he pouts.

"Shit, I don't know. They're two-faced? Look, I don't mean to generalize or anything, but I rarely hear good things about Geminis, and there is  _so much Gemini here_  - "

"Fuck off, you love me."

Jihoon looks up at him from the phone screen, his expression something entirely unreadable, and Soonyoung counts the seconds that pass between them. By the time he hits five, Jihoon shows the  _smallest_  crack in his exterior, an amused grin twitching into place. 

"Okay, yeah, but that doesn't mean I trust you."

"Why not?"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Gemini sun, moon, Mercury, Venus, Mars - "

"Shut  _up_ , you don't even understand what it  _means_  - "

"You underestimate me, Soonyoung."

"You literally just told me like, a minute ago, that you don't know what any of it means." Jihoon passes Soonyoung's phone back to him, still smiling, and he does that thing where he licks his lips, thinking. Soonyoung feels something like balloons popping in his stomach.

"I mean, yeah, I did say that. But we've been friends way before you even  _began_  reading about astrology, and I've always been the one person who listens to what you have to say about it. I have a lot more secondhand knowledge than you might think, you know. I just don't know anything about Geminis."

"Why not?"

"You never talk about them."

And, okay, true enough. Soonyoung's sure he's mentioned them before - at least a few of their friends have some Gemini placements - but generally speaking, he tends to gloss over it. It's not something he does consciously, but it feels oddly personal, and instinct tells him not to dwell on it. Not when Jihoon's around to listen.

Which he supposes might be a bit weird? He's never had a problem being personal with Jihoon, they don't really hide anything from one another - except, you know. Soonyoung's never said anything about being massively, idiotically whipped for the kid. 

All he says, though, is, "I definitely have. You've probably just missed it."

And that's that.

 

**—**

 

"Tell me more space facts," Jihoon says, and Soonyoung watches his breath cloud in front of his face. "Not astrology stuff, actual space."

"Okay," he says, adjusting his telescope.

They're on his roof, as they sometimes are, and Soonyoung's hoping he can find one of those constellations he'd read about. Jihoon, evidently, had lied when he said he wouldn't sit out and keep Soonyoung company while he looked - because, well, here they are. Soonyoung had to face a good ten minute's nagging about how careless he is when it comes to his own health, but it's worth it to have Jihoon right beside him, leaning in because it's so cold. It's sweet that he cares, anyway.

"Okay," he repeats. "Do you know Miranda?"

"Who?"

"Miranda, one of Uranus's moons. She's one of the most bizarre moons in the outer solar system. Like, she looks weird as fuck." Jihoon snorts, muttering something that sounds like 'rude' while Soonyoung keeps talking. "She's got ridges, craters, all sorts of features. Scientists aren't entirely sure how they got there - she might've had tectonic activity, or maybe she was smashed to bits and then somehow coalesced again, whatever. Either way, she's beat."

"Poor thing," is all Jihoon says, and it sounds distant. Soonyoung takes a quick look at him from out of the corner of his eye.

He's sitting with his hands tucked between his thighs to keep them warm, faced turned towards the sky. The cool air's pinched his cheeks a bright shade of red, letting the color spread to his ears and the tip of his nose, and his lips are parted with what Soonyoung likes to think is wonder; steam is inhaled and blown back out between them, and for half a second, he's ridiculously tempted to trap it between both their mouths.

He doesn't, though. Obviously.

Instead, he keeps going with the space facts.

"Did you know, there might be a planet made out of diamonds?" Jihoon's eyebrows raise, just slightly, but he doesn't look at Soonyoung. "It's not for sure, but research suggests there might be a planet out there that's got a mass eight times greater than Earth's and a surface made up entirely of graphite and diamond. It's 40 light years away, but can be visible to the naked eye in the constellation of Cancer." Jihoon makes a sort of noise, one that's like a mix between 'wow' and 'ooh,' and it's so soft, so genuine - Soonyoung feels stupidly fond.

Taking a break from fiddling with his telescope, he extends an arm to wrap around Jihoon's shoulders, pulling him closer. He says, "Speaking of constellations, I was thinking I'd try finding Cassiopeia. She was named after some queen in Greek mythology, discovered by Ptolemy."

"Hm. Show me when you find her."

"I will."

 

**—**

 

Soonyoung's not sure how much time passes, but eventually, he does find her. Scooching over to let Jihoon peek through the lens, he allows himself to sit back and watch the boy's reaction.

When Jihoon's breathing stutters, Soonyoung's does, too; Jihoon's eyes fill with awe, and Soonyoung's do the same. It's nothing monumental, but seeing Jihoon, this boy he cares about  _so much_ , share his excitement for something most people tend to brush off as a casual interest - it sort of makes his heart leap. He feels it ten-fold knowing that Jihoon's never been particularly passionate about these things.

Jihoon doesn't care all that much about space, but he cares about Soonyoung enough to try. That alone is more remarkable than any constellation out there.

"There's Caph, Shedir, Tsih, Ruchbah, and Segin," Soonyoung lists off the stars, struggling to smooth the wrinkles from his voice. "It's kind of hard to picture, but if you connect them, they form a woman."

"She's beautiful," is all Jihoon says, and he reaches over blindly to grab at Soonyoung's sleeve, tugging him back over to his spot. "Show me more," he says.

So, Soonyoung does. He spends the next two hours searching for whatever constellations, planets, moons,  _whatever he can find_  and showing them to Jihoon, reveling in the way his smile lights up at the different sights.

Eventually, it gets to the point that Soonyoung is the one telling Jihoon they should probably go back in; the night's settling in deeper, the temperature dropping steadily, and as much as Soonyoung loves him, Jihoon's a bitch when he's sick.

"There are so many out there," Jihoon says once they're inside, clambering over to Soonyoung's bed. He kicks off his shoes and throws his sweater on the floor, sliding underneath the covers. "Stars, I mean." Soonyoung stands idly by his window.

"Yeah. There are an estimated ten billion galaxies in the observable universe, and an assumed average of one-hundred billion stars per galaxy."

Jihoon's got the blanket pulled up over his face, so all Soonyoung can see are his eyes, bleary and tired. His words come out muffled through the fabric. "That's a whole lot."

"Yeah," Soonyoung breathes. He still hasn't moved.

"Are you gonna lay down?"

Soonyoung's still for a moment longer, before he blinks, slipping off his shoes and changing into a looser t-shirt to sleep in. When he gets into bed, he's vaguely aware of the fact that this is nothing new - it's not unusual for them to share a bed during their sleepovers - but he's  _more_  aware of Jihoon's body heat, the way he's turned on his side so his warm breath hits Soonyoung's arm, eyes closed and lashes brushing his cheeks. He looks so peaceful like this, when he's sleepy and content.

Jihoon's always lovely, in Soonyoung's eyes, but he's especially so in moments like these.

The only sound that can be heard is the wind churning outside. It's good they went in when they did, Soonyoung thinks, it looks like it might rain soon. Soonyoung's mouth is running before he even has the chance to think over his words.

"You know," he says, whispering because he's not even sure if Jihoon is still awake, "that despite the lack of rain, space has its own distinct weather occurrences?" Jihoon makes a quiet 'hm?' sound, so he's definitely still awake. "There are solar winds, radiation storms, and geomagnetic storms, too. Pretty different to what we have here on earth."

"That's cool," Jihoon says, his voice thick with lethargy. He's quiet again, before asking, "How many stars did you say are out there?"

"Roughly one billion trillion," Soonyoung answers matter-of-factly. "Why?"

"If every star in the universe was a word," he says, and Soonyoung holds his breath, because Jihoon is beyond tired right now, and over the years Soonyoung has learned that Jihoon becomes terribly sentimental when he's tired, "there still wouldn't be enough for me to describe how much I care about you."

Soonyoung exhales. It feels like his heart is expanding, so much so he can feel his ribcage beginning to splinter, and as it gets bigger, the ache gets worse. 

"Thank you for showing me the sky tonight," Jihoon says, and his tone seems to drop with every syllable as sleep draws nearer to him. "I know you've done it plenty of times before, but I don't think I tell you enough just how much I appreciate it."

"It's nothing," Soonyoung mumbles. He can't help finding it sort of funny, the juxtaposition of them both. Jihoon, gentle and waxing with sleep, and Soonyoung, all nerves and adrenaline. The two of them side-by-side, as they've always been, but Soonyoung feels like they're on total opposite ends of the spectrum.

He just wishes that when Jihoon says things like these, he'd mean them a bit differently.

"Actually," he says out loud, and he's sure Jihoon's asleep, now, "I wish you wouldn't say these things at all. Makes it really hard for me to not be in love with you, you know."

Soonyoung closes his eyes, then, tries to get some sleep.

He doesn't notice a certain gaze, suddenly bright and awake, and glued to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hhh for the record i dont have anything against geminis !!!! 
> 
> anyway ! here's a sort of cliff hanger ?? :0 i hope u all liked it <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i updated this four days ago but it feels like forever omg i'm sorry
> 
> as of right now i don't have any stories lined up for me to work on after moonwatcher, and like ??? idk what i'll do once this is over with ??? i'm so used to posting regularly and it makes me so happy to do so and i !! love writing soonhoon !!! lmao i need to come up with ideas Quick before 75% of my existence loses meaning entirely
> 
> asdfghkj Anyways. i hope u like this!!!

✵

 

 **THEY'RE WATCHING _COSMOS_** , because it's one of the best documentaries known to man, and Soonyoung will always insist on that. It's just a fact, he says. Nothing compares to Neil deGrasse Tyson talking about outer space, and it's a fact.

"You've told me this already," Jihoon says, shoving a handful of popcorn into his mouth while Soonyoung folds himself up on the couch. "Just hit play."

This time, Jihoon's being spared the agony of having to watch Carl Sagan talk about astronomy for nearly thirteen hours straight - Soonyoung figured they wouldn't marathon, for once - but other than that, it's really no different to what they usually do. Soonyoung's terribly close to Jihoon, glancing at him more often than what's happening on screen, and his heart is racing, and it's no different.

It used to not always be like this, though. Like when they were younger. Like when Soonyoung could wrap his arms around Jihoon, pull him close, rest legs on top of legs and a head against his shoulder without it knotting his lungs; like when they were kids, and kids didn't know the difference between holding hands and chaste kisses and Soonyoung hadn't realized that it wasn't entirely normal to  _feel_  for his best friend the way he did.

That's how it was. Now, and for a while now, it's all just been a flurry of nerves - but he still likes their little tradition, even if he does sort of feel like vomiting every other minute. It's not all too awful. Like vomiting butterflies, maybe? He's not really sure.

Anyways, yeah. Legs on legs and heads on shoulders. Whatever.

Jihoon is making it especially difficult for him today, being especially warm. And it's sort of the worst thing ever? Like, for every gentle touch and soft breath and  _stop moving, I'm comfortable_  he endures, Soonyoung's also getting his heartstrings stepped all over, and it's the worst thing ever.

"Do you want something to drink?" he asks. His mouth is dry, and he needs an excuse to get away for like, two seconds. Two seconds to breathe without the feeling of Jihoon's eyelashes tickling his arm, and he'll be fine.

But Jihoon shakes his head and his grip tightens, and that plan goes out the window.

"You're pretty clingy today," Soonyoung grins. "Kind of weird. Weren't you the one who told me I have attachment issues, that one time?"

Jihoon grumbles something that sounds like, "As if you hate it," squeezing his eyes shut and practically nuzzling against Soonyoung. The latter very nearly chokes on his own saliva, and it's all he can do to hope the heat spreading over his cheeks isn't noticeable.

"Yeah," he says, and the word comes out sounding like gravel. "I don't."

Neither one of them says anything after that, but Soonyoung gets the feeling he isn't the only one who's not paying attention to the TV. He's not surprised at himself - of the few, few things more important to him than Neil and space, Jihoon has definitely proven to be one of them - but he can't help wondering what the other boy is thinking.

"Something on your mind?" he asks. He's got one arm slung around Jihoon's shoulder, fingers fidgeting with the cuff of his sleeve. He can feel the boy hesitating.

"Er, yeah, actually. Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Do you love me?"

And like that, Soonyoung's fidgeting stops. His fingers freeze against the heat of Jihoon's skin, pulse suddenly skyrocketing. He laughs breathily and tries to keep his eyes trained on the screen in front of him.

"Ah, 'course I love you."

Out of the corner of his eye, Soonyoung can almost see the breath caught in Jihoon's throat, see his gaze suspended and wavering between the both of them. There's more he has to say, Soonyoung knows, but all he offers is a forced sort of laugh and, "Right, right. Just checking."

Soonyoung exhales, his heartbeat slowing a bit. Something's off, and he knows it's off, but he'll pretend otherwise if Jihoon does.

"Yeah, well. I'm always happy to boost your ego."

"Shut up."

It's meant to be humorous, but there's a grainy, nervous texture to both their tones. Soonyoung keeps his smile too wide and his voice too loud and just hopes it isn't noticeable.

"Jihoon?" Soonyoung asks, if only for the sake of drawing out the joke. "Do you love me, too?"

He expects a snort, some scoff or an eye-roll. Something like 'fuck off' or 'you wish.' It's the sort of thing Soonyoung's  _learned_  to expect over the years - because, despite Jihoon's occasional displays of softness, Soonyoung knows he has to. If he didn't, he'd be faced with constant disappointment.

Maybe not today, though. Today, Jihoon breathes deep and says, ever-so-quietly, "Yeah, I do." He pulls the blanket further over both of them and doesn't say another word. Which is fine, really, because Soonyoung's not sure he'd be able to respond anyway.

He thinks he would have preferred disappointment.

 

**—**

 

It's one of those days. The kind where Soonyoung gets sad, and he doesn't know why, he just is.

Maybe it's schoolwork, the rising expectations and all the stress that comes with his inability to meet them. Maybe it's having his heart obliterated day after day by someone who doesn't feel the same. It could just be general insecurity.

But they're only things, life things - things that every other person deals with, but of course Soonyoung's got to be the one complaining.

He feels bad, stupidly guilty, but he thinks he remembers Jihoon saying something about calling when he feels like this, and he thinks it might be nice to have someone hold him.

So, well.

They're on his roof again, though it's different this time; it's still cold as fuck, but Soonyoung doesn't have his telescope with him and it's hard to see the stars through all the pollution. Whatever magic had found it's way up here just a few nights ago is gone, and now it's just Soonyoung shaking and Jihoon, steady as ever, with a strong grip and the sort of words that only mean something when they're coming from him.

"It's okay, it'll be okay. You know that, right?"

"It doesn't feel that way," Soonyoung manages to sniff. "I might be better later on, but it's going to come back, Jihoon. It always comes back."

"Well, you'll have me here when it does. It's not like  _I'm_  ever going to leave."

Soonyoung can't really muster a response to that. A half-suppressed sob crawls up his throat and lodges itself there midway, so all he can do is choke and tighten his hold on Jihoon's sweatshirt. The fabric bunches in his fists, stained with his stupid tears, and he only cries harder when he sees it.

"T-This is why I stick to the moon," he says, and he tries to force a laugh, but it doesn't really work. "This is embarrassing."

"No, it's not," Jihoon shushes him. He situates himself so that his arms rest firmly around Soonyoung's midriff, his chin tucked between the boy's neck and shoulder because he's too small to rest it on his head. It could be comfortable, but Soonyoung just feels a dull aching all throughout him.

"What do you think I'm gonna do, Soon? Laugh at you?" Jihoon's words blow soft, warm breaths against his neck, and he's not so sure that it's the cold that has him shuddering. "After all the times you've seen me like break down like this?"

"That's different," Soonyoung says. "That's you, and I ... It's just different, Jihoon." Jihoon pulls away, just enough to look Soonyoung square in the eye, and anxiety starts to swirl in his stomach. He  _hates_  when Jihoon looks at him like that.

Like he's something worth looking at, like Jihoon's seeing him in full and not an ounce of the affection in his eyes is half-hearted. Soonyoung hates it, because it's not the same sort of in-love, can-barely-hold-your-gaze-for-more-than-two-seconds-i'm-so-flustered type of look he's been giving Jihoon for years now. It's confident and sure and it's got no reason to be otherwise.

It's friendly, and it always has been. Soonyoung's sure of it.

He's not sure how much more of it he can take, though.

"What's making you feel this way?" Jihoon asks, and Soonyoung's response comes carried on a whisper.

"Nothing that's actually worth getting so upset over. I'm just overreacting."

"I don't care, you know. I don't give a shit if you're overreacting. What matters is how - how you're feeling, Soonyoung, and I can't stand to see you like this."

"How would you like to see me?"

"Like, happy. I just want to see you happy. It's what you deserve."

Soonyoung sucks in a shaky breath, and he holds it there until he's sure he can let it out without a sob escaping, too. He doesn't want to look at Jihoon anymore - he's so pretty, even in the dark, and that really can't be fair - so he rests his head back on his shoulder shuts his eyes.

Premature regret bubbles like lava in his stomach and coats his lungs; it burns hot like Venus when Jihoon repeats his question, and Soonyoung tries to swallow it back.

It'll hit him full-force later on, but he thinks he might combust if he doesn't say something now.

"I think I'm in love."

Finally, it's out there. Jihoon freezes against him, and Soonyoung thinks that if he were to press a hand against his chest, he wouldn't even be able to feel a heartbeat, he's gone so still.

"I'm not too sure though," he adds, trying to salvage what he can, but he  _knows_  he's gone too far already. He's going to have to say it, and he's going to have to watch all ten years of friendship turn to moondust. He knows it.

"You could Google your symptoms," Jihoon says, and if it weren't for the circumstances, Soonyoung thinks he might have laughed. "Or you could tell me."

Without opening his eyes, he exhales long and hard. Ready, set,  _go_.

"Alright, well. I'm always thinking about them. They make me feel so comfortable - but also, like, the worst? Like, I can't breathe when I'm with them, and my heart feels like it might beat out of my chest. They're the prettiest person I've ever met. I sleep better with them. They - They make me feel a million things at once, like I'm the whole universe, and I'm collapsing in on myself. It hurts, but I care about them so much and I ... all I wanna do is be around them," he finishes quietly. "That's all."

Jihoon's silent for a long time, and then he asks, "This is a bad thing?" Soonyoung almost scoffs.

"It is when they don't feel the same. My heart tries too hard, Jihoon. They don't care that much."

"Who are they?"

And that's it, the million dollar question. The one that's going to ruin them both. It's too late to turn back now, though, and Soonyoung's not thinking straight enough to come up with a plan that can save him last minute. It's so ridiculous, he even laughs, albeit weakly.

"Who do you think I'm sleeping with when I'm not sleeping alone?" Soonyoung pauses, breathes. "It's you, Jihoon."

They both fall quiet, and Soonyoung sighs before pushing himself away. The air that fills the space between them is mean and cold, but he might as well start getting used to it.

He feels oddly peaceful. No exploding suns or racing asteroids, nothing like comets, but peaceful; like he's been thrown out into a vast expanse of blackness, where there's no oxygen to choke on and it's too freezing for him to really feel anything, and all he can do is float.

Jihoon's voice is the first to break the tension. Call him back to Earth.

"Can I tell you something?"

"Yeah."

"I already knew."

Soonyoung gives him a look, something caught off-guard, and he rushes to explain.

"I - I heard you, the other night. You must've thought I was asleep but ... I mean, I heard."

Soonyoung kind of wants to laugh again - laugh at  _himself_  for being so, so dumb. For not being careful enough. He shouldn't have called Jihoon tonight, he should've just talked to the fucking sky and felt bad for himself, like he always does. At least then they'd still have their friendship.

"I get it," he mumbles, "if you don't want to deal with me anymore. I know I've made things weird, and you don't - I mean, it's not your job to pretend it's okay, so don't. I get it."

He doesn't meet them, but Soonyoung can feel Jihoon's eyes weighing heavy on him. He doesn't want to look, he knows Jihoon's probably just as disappointed with him as he is. He doesn't want to face that quite yet.

When Jihoon speaks, it's terribly gentle.

"Soonyoung. What makes you think I don't want to deal with you anymore?"

Confusion creeps up Soonyoung's spine, and it must show on his face, too, because Jihoon has the nerve to  _laugh_ at him. His eyes scrunch up all soft, cutely pressed crescents sitting above cheeks that have been bitten pink by the chill - and despite everything, Soonyoung finds he still can't help growing fond at the sight. Jihoon continues.

"I don't - I don't hate you, Soon. I'm not going to cut off all contact with you. God, I don't think I would ever be capable of doing something like that."

"But, but I - "

Soonyoung cuts himself off when Jihoon reaches out to grab at his wrists, tugging him weakly. "Come back," he says, and it takes Soonyoung a moment to shake the lead off his shoulders and scoot forward again. He doesn't get too close - he's cautious, almost, though he's not sure of what - but his knees touch Jihoon's and his skin prickles,  _burns_  when the boy's grip tightens.

Jihoon speaks, and he keeps his voice low. It's not so much a whisper as it is a rumble; sort of rough, but still kind. Soft enough to sound comforting, like gravel rolling over palms. Fingers sifting through a bag of marbles.

"You know, maybe I don't mind."

It's nothing close to scary, but confusion and anxiety meld to form one big ball of terror in Soonyoung's chest nonetheless. Jihoon's eyes hold just about every star in the galaxy, and it's terrifying. Jihoon's the sweetest boy in the world, and in this instant, he's terrifying.

It's hard, Soonyoung's quickly learning, to hand someone your entire heart and not be scared of what they might do with it.

"W-What don't you mind?"

Some distant part of Soonyoung's consciousness registers the pressure around his wrists, how it lifts; it registers the hand that's in his hair, now, playing with whatever strands have fallen in front of his face while the other rubs the backs of his knuckles. Maybe he notices the blush across Jihoon's cheeks, painted wild and vivid, and maybe he's a little amused, because Jihoon's never been this sort of confident.

Mostly, though, he's too entirely focused on Jihoon's lips to fully take those things into account. It's not the first time Soonyoung's wanted nothing more than to kiss him, but it's the first time he's gotten this close.

"This, maybe?"

Jihoon leans in closer, and the distance between them shrinks until Soonyoung thinks he can feel the air buzzing against his skin. He doesn't think before he speaks - his mouth starts running faster than what his brain can keep up with.

"You know," he says, practically whispers, "when heat is added to a substance, atoms vibrate faster? And when they vibrate faster, the space between them grows. Which is weird? Because it's really cold right now, and there's not all that much space between us, but I  _swear_  I can feel them moving - "

Jihoon interrupts him with a splitting grin and - and light, Soonyoung's only seeing light, like he's got a sliver of the moon right here, right in front of him, and it's  _so_  pretty -

"Soonyoung, what are you talking about?"

 _Nothing important_ , he wants to say, but they're close enough now that when Jihoon breathes, Soonyoung can feel the steam against his lips, and he can barely speak.

"You said you don't mind this," he swallows. "But I still don't know what this is."

"This, as in, can I kiss you?"

Jihoon's hand is on the back of his neck, now, and their noses are brushing and Soonyoung, funny enough - or maybe not so much -  _can't breathe_. The oxygen's been ripped from his lungs, but he's not floating in space; Jihoon's got him rooted to his own roof.

It's all just Jihoon. It's always just been Jihoon.

Somehow, he's able to force the words past his lips.

"You wouldn't mind that?"

"Not if you don't."

.

.

.

There was this thing Soonyoung had read about a while back - a star, billions of light-years away, massive enough to overwhelm its core with the sheer force of its own gravitational pull, had collapsed in on itself and exploded outward, ejecting its own mass. It shone nearly six-hundred billion times brighter than the sun, twenty times brighter than every star in the Milky Way combined. The most powerful supernova discovered in human history.

Jihoon's got his smile pressed against Soonyoung's mouth, his arms around Soonyoung's neck, and it's soft, soft, wonderfully soft - and Soonyoung can't help thinking, that supernova, that which released ten times more energy than what the sun will radiate in the next ten billion years -  _it's got nothing on him._


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in celebration of jihoon's birthday ! the last chapter ! i hope you all like it <3

✵  
  
  
  


 **SOONYOUNG DOESN'T REALLY** know what point they're at, now. Since that night on his roof, he's gone for a few more kisses - just small ones, soft on Jihoon's cheeks and nose, and his forehead, and his lips, and -

And the response hasn't exactly been discouraging. Jihoon smiles something tiny and fond and his cheeks go all red, so it must be a good thing, although they haven't gone further than that; that is to say, they haven't talked about it. Are they dating? Are they just really good friends? If that's the case, Soonyoung is calling serious bullshit. This is not what  _really good friends_  do.

But maybe Jihoon doesn't know that. Or maybe he doesn't want to call Soonyoung his boyfriend. Maybe Soonyoung should stop being greedy and just be happy with what he's got.

Maybe he should just not think about it too much.

"Oh, that looks fun," is the first thing Soonyoung says when he meets Jihoon at the café. He's got a mug of hot chocolate in one hand, Jihoon's latte in the other, and he's looking at the study guide spread out across the table.

"Shut up," Jihoon groans. "I fucking hate chemistry. I'm going to fuck up the entire periodic table with my bare hands."

"Good luck with that."

Soonyoung likes helping Jihoon study; firstly, because he loves to rub in the fact that he's by far the best at science between the two of them, and secondly - well, Jihoon's just really cute when he's frustrated. And he's  _always_  frustrated when it comes to chemistry.

"I'm going to cry Soonyoung. I will sob. There's no way I'm not failing this test."

"Shush, you'll do great."

"No. I really won't."

"Yes, you will, because I'm helping you. You don't think I'm going to let you fail, do you?"

Jihoon gives him a look, one that's torn between absolute distress and something a little warmer, a little more appreciative. Soonyoung tries to shoot back the brightest grin he can manage, but his heart's unsteady in its cage and his smile wobbles with it.

"I'm really glad to have you," Jihoon says suddenly. "Like, you're probably the best thing that's ever happened to me."

Soonyoung can't help but stare as Jihoon flushes more and more by the second; he's embarrassed, pulling his sleeves further over his hands and shrugging down like he's trying to fold in on himself. When Soonyoung chuckles, he tries to keep it as casual as he can so Jihoon can't make out the megaphone in his chest that's blaring -  _I love you! I love you! I love you!_

"All this because I'm teaching you about covalent compounds, huh?" Jihoon kicks him under the table, and Soonyoung barks out a laugh.

" _Asshole_."

"No, no, I'm kidding, that's - God, you're so cute, Jihoon."

"I hope you choke."

"No, I'm serious. You're fucking adorable. That was so sweet. What you just said was  _so_   _sweet_ , and I'm trying really hard to keep it together right now because I'm - I'm - "

 _Infatuated, head over heels, besotted, whipped like a god damn idiot_ \- there are a lot of words Soonyoung could use in this instant, but he cuts himself off with a grin and starts over.

"You're so wonderful, Jihoonie. That's all I'm saying. Don't be embarrassed about it."

"I am. I hate saying shit like that."

"Why? You know, it makes me the happiest guy in the world when you do. Don't you want to see me happy?"

Jihoon's cheeks have gone fully pink at this point, all gleaming, and if it weren't for the table in the way Soonyoung would be peppering kisses all over them.

There  _is_  a table in the way, though, so he has to settle for something a little less.

Reaching across and motioning for Jihoon to give him his hand, Soonyoung holds it to his lips and smiles hard against the knuckles, peeking over to see Jihoon unraveling more and more by the second. He loves doing this. He  _loves_  seeing Jihoon all flustered.

Soonyoung doesn't know exactly what they are, the two of them, but he knows he's allowed this much - maybe he can convince himself that it's enough.

"I think the universe made you special," he says, still holding Jihoon's hand. "Like, it took its time to make you the best you can be." Jihoon smiles wryly.

"Really? I figure I'm more of a manufacturing error." Soonyoung scowls, then, dropping Jihoon's hand and watching the way his face falls a little.

"Hey, don't say that. I hate it when you say stuff like that."

"I'm only joking," Jihoon mumbles.

"I still hate it." Soonyoung pauses, letting his expression soften while he does, and says, "They aren't nice jokes. I know you think you aren't hurting anyone, but it's not good for yourself."

"What, like, my psyche?"

"Yeah. Keep it up and soon enough, you'll start to believe yourself. Which, you know. I can't let that happen. You're kind of really incredible."

"I think you're being dramatic," Jihoon scoffs.

"Not really. I just love you a lot."

Soonyoung catches his breath the second the words leave his mouth, and he holds it there. There's a sort of thick fog rising in his throat and panic alarms are going off because  _why_  - why would he say that? He doesn't have to. He's told Jihoon he loves him a million times before and now ... now it makes things weird for the both of them.

It's not the sort of thing he can say anymore. This time Jihoon knows it's different, and Soonyoung's not so sure they're on the same page.

The tension lifts a little when Jihoon asks, "How do I balance this equation? I don't get it," and maybe it's a bit disheartening, how he chooses to just not acknowledge what Soonyoung said, but it's also probably for the best. His heart's already teetering, and having to go through that would probably end up throwing it off the tightrope completely.

Soonyoung would love to have an answer, something to call themselves, but he doesn't think he's ready for a conversation like that. He doesn't want to risk ruining a single thing. He almost did it once already.

He already came too close.  
  
  


**—**   
  
  
  


It's eleven in the evening and Soonyoung's climbing through Jihoon's window with a box of leftovers from dinner. He knows Jihoon has an economics exam he's been preparing for, and he knows that means the boy probably hasn't eaten.

When Jihoon sees the food, he smiles wide; wider still when his eyes land on Soonyoung, and he kisses Soonyoung's forehead. And alright, fine, that's fine.

Soonyoung won't ruin this for them.  
  
  


**—**   
  
  
  


Jihoon's developed a habit of leaning his head on Soonyoung's shoulder when they're browsing the library shelves. It's easy for him to whisper against his shirtsleeve and press his lips there without being too noticeable.

Sort of makes it difficult for Soonyoung to find the book he's looking for, but it's fine. It's always, always fine.  
  
  


**—**   
  
  
  


Soonyoung's beginning to wonder how long  _fine_  will last.  
  
  


**—**   
  
  
  


"It's kind of like, the worst fucking thing in the world. I thought it was bad before, but this is definitely worse."

"I mean, I don't really see the problem?"

Soonyoung cracked, told Junhui about him and Jihoon, and now he's just sitting in Junhui's kitchen, eating Junhui's food, stabbing it like it did something to personally offend him, and maybe he's regretting this decision a little bit. Just a little.

"Jun, I don't think you're understanding."

"I don't think I'm understanding, either," the boy says, looking uncertain. "This is what you wanted, wasn't it? Like, being able to kiss him and hold hands and have it ... not be platonic?"

Soonyoung sighs, "Well, yeah, but I don't know if it's actually  _not platonic_. Like, like what if it's supposed to be casual, you know? What if he just wants all the benefits, but no strings attached? That type of thing."

"Is that what  _you_  want?"

"Uh, fucking no? I've been wanting to call Jihoon my boyfriend since I was twelve, Jun, what makes you think I'm happy with this arrangement?"

"I still can't believe that," Jun mutters, eyes rolling upwards in a way that makes Soonyoung's expression go flat. "Or, I can, I definitely can - we've all known for a while now - but I can't believe it took you this long to say something. I can't believe  _I'm_  the first one hearing this. I'm usually the last person to find out about these things."

"You guys suck, you know that? You knew this whole time."

"Well, you weren't lowkey."

"I hate that. I hate  _this_. Leave it to me to get stuck in a situation like this."

Out of the corner of his eye, Soonyoung can see Junhui watching him with some sort of cautious sympathy. He doesn't meet the look. He's not sure his dignity could handle it - knowing that it's really what he's worth, at this point. Pitiful glances for pitiful circumstances.

"It's that bad, huh?" his friend says, quietly. Soonyoung nods, and he continues. "Well, for what it's worth - and maybe it's not worth much, I don't know - I think you're overthinking it."

"Overthinking it, how?"

"I mean, you're probably stressing over nothing. Maybe he's never been so obvious as you, Soonyoung, but I think any one of us could tell you Jihoon likes you the same as you like him."

Soonyoung's almost tired when he asks, "And  _why_  would you think that?"

Tired, like he's tired of futile comfort. Like there's no use in listening to something that's meant to be encouraging when it's really just empty. Junhui drags a hand over his face and rests his chin in his palm, sighing like this is the simplest thing in the world.

"Okay, how about this - he listens to all your astrology shit without complaint, even shows some interest in it, and he asks you -  _asks!_  - to hear more useless space facts. And he's touchy with you like he isn't with anyone else, and he laughs at all your awful jokes, and he looks at you like - he looks at you like you strung up the moon, Soonyoung. Like you did it just for him."

"I would if I could," Soonyoung says, and Junhui makes a gagging sound at the back of his throat.

"Don't be gross. I'm just saying, it's true. And you're kind of dumb if you really think there's a chance Jihoon only wants to be friends with benefits."

Soonyoung's quiet for a long while, torn between going hard on himself, being pessimistic, and allowing himself to hope. He's not sure what to make of it all.

When he finally says something, it's, "Jihoon  _is_  a Sagittarius, I suppose ... " and Junhui sighs again.

"What does that mean?"

"He's emotionally distant. If anyone's going to avoid having a talk about relationships, it's him. He's too uncomfortable with that sort of thing."

"So what are you going to do about it?"

Soonyoung's silent for a moment, thinking, and then -

"Talk to him, I guess."  
  
  


**—**   
  
  
  


"Jihoon, are we friends?"

" ... Sure."

And that's the end of their talk.  
  
  


**—**   
  
  


So, kissing. That's a regular thing, now, something they do whenever they want, so long as it's not in front of the others. Which is cool. Kissing is cool, kissing  _Jihoon_  is cool - but it's  _not_  a friend thing, no way. Friends don't do that. Friends  _do not_  borderline make-out the way they (sometimes) do. It's just a fact.

But if you were to ask Jihoon, they're just friends.

Which, alright, is sort of annoying. Soonyoung feels like his patience is being tested, sort of, like he's being spread too thin. Further and further he's being pushed out from himself, and soon enough, a hole is going to tear right through him.

It's just the two of them on Jihoon's bed; Soonyoung's sprawled out over the blanket, head laying on Jihoon's lap, who's pressed up against the pillows. He's talking a mile a minute, and every now and then he trips over one of his words because Jihoon decides to leave a quick kiss on the tip of his nose, or at the corner of his eye. Soonyoung knows he's reaching his limit, but he's also hopelessly lost for the boy - so what can he do?

"Why do you keep doing that?" Soonyoung asks, interrupting himself. He's trying to reason with Jihoon, get him to understand why Scorpio moons are some of the scariest people out there, but it's really hard to focus.

"Is it bothering you?" Jihoon asks, not looking all too apologetic with his smile.

"No, but I - I'm just wondering."

Jihoon tilts his head, as if in thought, and his smile grows. Soonyoung thinks he can see stars in the way his teeth glint when he says, "You're so cute. I kind of can't help it." That elicits an impressed whistle from Soonyoung, who's trying  _so_  hard to look put-together despite the blush forming on his cheeks.

"When did you get so confident, Jihoonie? You never say stuff like that."

"Yeah," Jihoon says, "I dunno. It's just you, I guess."

It's just him, Soonyoung thinks. Just Soonyoung. Jihoon's friend, Soonyoung.

The thought manages to twist something in his gut. It makes his chest ache in the most terrible way, and maybe that's what pushes him to ask, "Can we talk about this, Jihoon?"

Silence passes with only a few heartbeats between them; Jihoon's smile wavers and then tightens again, almost forced, and his gaze snaps to the wall on the other side of the room so he's no longer looking Soonyoung in the eye.

"Talk about what?" he finally asks.

"You know, us? Can we talk about us?" Soonyoung pauses. "I mean, like ... what are we?"

" ... What do you think we are?"

"God, I don't know? Not friends, that's for sure. Friends, they don't ... they don't  _do_  this. Or maybe they do, I don't know, but that's not the sort of friendship I want."

"What do you want, then?"

"What do  _you_ want?"

"Does it really matter?" Jihoon swallows. He looks out of place, smile wiped clean. His jaw is clenched, and Soonyoung doesn't think twice before reaching up to brush his fingers against it, silently easing the tension that's built up.

"It does matter," he says softly. "It matters, Jihoon, because at this point I can't tell if you really like me, or if you're just lonely. Do you want to be with me, or do you only want affection? Because - Because if that's the case, then I ... I tolerate a lot, you know. But I don't think I can handle feeling used."

Jihoon seems to choke, a small sound coming from within him, and Soonyoung can't tell if it's from shock or from half-suppressed emotion. When he speaks, his voice shakes.

"I'm not, really. The last thing I've ever wanted to do is make you feel like - like bad, you know? Like, you're so good, and I'm not trying to use you or confuse you or - or - " he stops, squeezing his eyes shut before switching tracks, "It's not that I don't care enough, Soonyoung. If anything, I think I feel too much."

"Of course you feel too much," Soonyoung says, sitting up so he can face Jihoon properly. "You've got a million stars inside of you."

"I feel like they're all exploding."

"That's okay."

The atmosphere is different from last time - not buzzing, but completely, totally still. Like even the air is holding its breath in anticipation. It only serves to magnify the beating in Soonyoung's chest.

"I wish you wouldn't say things like that," Jihoon whispers, and his voice cracks. "You're so kind, your heart is like ... I can't even put it into words, it's so good. You get it. You get it like I don't."

Soonyoung furrows his brows, asking, "What do I get?"

"Just, like, everything. All this. Emotions or whatever. I think I'm just like ... I dunno. I think I just don't know how to feel that way. Or I do, I know I do, because I  _feel_  it when I'm with you - all that stuff you said that night, how you can't breathe and your heart beats really fast - I get that, I  _understand_  that ... I just don't know what to do with it.

"See, that's the problem. It's not you, Soonyoung, and it's not me trying to be an asshole. I'm just fucking stupid, and I like you so much and I'm  _stupid_  and I don't know what to do about it. I thought I could get away with it," he breathes, "but I'm just making things worse."

Soonyoung raises his hands to cup Jihoon's face, holding his stare with his own, and he can practically hear the breath hitching in his throat. He's nervous, they're both nervous all over again, and the energy is bouncing between them like anxious static.

"That's okay," he repeats. "You don't have to figure it out on your own."

"I don't know how to not mess this up."

"You won't. I know you won't."

They're still in Jihoon's bedroom, still sitting on his bed, but Soonyoung thinks he can almost trick himself into thinking they're outside; surrounded by indigo light, and Jihoon glowing like Soonyoung's very own moon. Their breathing could be the wind. Jihoon's eyes could hold comets. Soonyoung's voice, so terribly quiet.

"I think we'd be good together," he whispers. "We don't have to do all the cliche stuff, like what they do in the movies, but we could. I mean, if you wanted to, we could. I think that would be nice."

Finally, a hint of a smile. "What sort of cliche stuff do you mean?"

"Maybe looking at the stars? Watching the moon? You holding my hand while we watch the moon?  _X-Files_  marathons and - and I could tell you more about Geminis, since you don't know so much about them. Those sorts of things."

Jihoon giggles, "So basically, things we already do?" Soonyoung grins and lets his hands fall so they're on the boy's waist rather than his cheeks - which, by the way, are candlelight red and just as hot - and he leans in.

"Okay, yeah, but we'll be  _boyfriends_  while we do it, so it's not really the same."

"Boyfriends," Jihoon repeats, eyes crinkling. "I think I like that."

Closer, closer, until their lips meet, and it's not supernovas and asteroids destined for destruction, but soft. Soft like moonlight. Soft like Jihoon's forehead pressed against his, and all those gentle constellations Soonyoung wants so badly to show him.

"It's funny," Soonyoung says, slightly breathless when they pull away. "I've spent nearly my whole life in awe of the sky and everything that's in it, but I've never found it to be quite as mesmerizing as you."

Jihoon grins, mumbling against his mouth, "You're actually gross."

"I know, I know," familiarity rings. "I'm your boyfriend, and you love me."

Jihoon is swirling nebulas and more divine than Saturn's rings; a bow and arrow made of diamonds, with a mind and heart to match. A vast expanse full of beautiful things. He kisses Soonyoung, and the stars align. Everything slots into place.

And this, Soonyoung thinks. This feels right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok PHEW so uhhh i'm really bad with author's notes ??? and i have a lot i wanna say for this one but idk i'm just gonna try my best to be comprehensible and maybe it'll work maybe it won't but pls Bear With Me
> 
> okay firstly?? the feedback i've gotten on this story has been fucking ??? insane ??? like i dunno u guys have always been so so kind to me but every comment i've gotten here has been so crazy sweet ?? there really aren't enough words in the world for me to express how appreciative i am of all of them. they've been so encouraging and so wonderful and really the driving force behind all my updates - i looked forward to seeing all of them, so i tried to post as often as i could, so i really have all you to thank for pushing me to finish this
> 
> and even if you didn't leave a comment !!! if you just left a nice kudos or you bookmarked this or literally interacted with the story in Any Way i'm !!!! i love u !!! like Gosh it all makes me so happy and i love love love it, thank you x1000
> 
> i'm really so glad this was well-received, and i hope this last chapter didn't disappoint. i look forward to posting more soonhoon soon !!! they are my favorite boys after all ;(

**Author's Note:**

> playlist for this fic is "venus sign" on spotify ! this was also crossposted to wattpad under the username kwanies <3


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